“Do you think that, because I’m a white female, I’ll have a harder life than you, a white male?” I asked. “No.”
Ouch.
First off, sexism is absolutely not the same as racism, I want to be undeniably clear about that. Talking about this moment of sexism can be useful in a conversation about privilege.
Oo, a big buzz word. One known to strike a nerve of defensive righteousness. Hang tight with me while we walk through this and do me the favor of letting your guard down and truly evaluating your own privilege, because this extends beyond the typically understood boundaries of racism and bleeds into other connected issues.
I felt invalidated, misunderstood, ignored, after this conversation. I had struck that defensive, zealous nerve in the man I was talking with, and understandably so. He has had a life I don’t envy, one where he really did have to pick himself up from his humble beginnings and shape himself and his life with his own hands. He made his life into what it is now, fighting tooth and nail for his victories, and because of that, he understandably identifies strongly with each of his successes. If you think I’m going to say he didn’t work his ass off, you’re wrong. He did. And, at the same time, there’s more to the story when we look at the big picture.
His life has been defined by struggles in many ways, family struggles, financial struggles, etc., and those took a toll on him. Struggles that have not defined his life include, but are in no way limited to, the following:
Race: he’s white, so we have never had to worry about representation in movies, TV shows, etc., violent encounters with authorities, or workplace discrimination (and no, affirmative action programs do not mean he’s been discriminated against)
Gender: this man is cisgender, so he’s never had to worry about harassment in public places, and he hasn’t had to worry about being pressured to have children
Ability/Disability: this man is able bodied, so public areas and buildings are accessible to him, he’s had role models who look and act like him, and he hasn’t been used as trauma porn
(source: @impact via @intersectionalenvironmentalist)
Like many people, this man is privileged, despite his struggles. As Marie Beecham (@mariebeecham on Twitter) says, “Privilege isn’t bonus points for you and your team. It’s unfair penalties the other team gets that you don’t.” She continues, “Privilege isn’t the presence of perks and benefits. It’s the absence of obstacles and barriers. That’s a lot harder to notice. If you have a hard time recognizing what you don’t have to go through. Let that fuel your empathy and action.”
He’s never gotten overt handouts, or cheat codes, or level ups in his life. But he does have implicit handouts, cheat codes, and level ups, like we saw above (he is white, cisgender male, able bodied, and so on). Lots of us also have these advantages, even people in marginalized groups! So, here’s a little exercise for you to check your privilege: check out this post from @impact, that inspired the bullet pointed list above. It reminds us of little ways we can be privileged without even realizing. How many bullet points apply to you? My guess is that you might relate to more than you’d think.
It’s become common in activist circles to say that, no matter how marginalized the groups you’re a part of may be, if you are white, you will be privileged above all others in that group. If you are white and are not able bodied, your whiteness will provide you with things like credibility to healthcare workers and the benefit of the doubt with law enforcement. Kendall-Alexis puts it this way:
“If there’s one thing I wish white people understood, it is this: your whiteness is the heaviest thing about you. It is so heavy that it outweighs any and all other marginalizing identities. Now, this is not to say that other identities aren’t heavy. This is not to say that other identities aren’t hard to carry. But it is to say that your whiteness, in a white supremacist society like the United States, is the key to care, empathy, dignity, support, justice and freedom that people of color with the exact same marginalizing identities as you cannot access because they are people of color. Your white is heavier than your woman. Your white is heavier than your trans. Your white is heavier than your disabled. Your white is heavier than your poverty. Your whiteness is the heaviest thing about you. Think on that.”
He has struggled, but it was never, ever because of his skin. And the same goes for me, and lots of my family, friends, and fellow humans around the globe. Honestly, I feel some shame about this. I don’t like knowing that implicit bias benefits me in ways I will never even fully understand, and that my mere presence can be a danger or discomfort to some of my fellow humans. But here’s the deal. Systemic racism and the people hurt by it don’t give a damn about my white shame— it’s not going to change anything. It’s not logical, encouraged, or necessary. What is going to change something is using my privilege to amplify BIPOC voices, to fight for equity in policy, and to educate other privileged folks around me.
So, next up, I’ll be posting about how white folks can utilize their privilege, especially in situations involving law enforcement as well as protests. In the meantime, let me know in the comments what ways you have found to use your privilege in the fight for justice, or if there are ways to put your privilege to use that you’d like to learn more about!
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